*****
YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN THE SOUTH IN JULY WHEN...
The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
You can make sun tea instantly.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
You discover that it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
*****
(And having lived in South Carolina, I can relate to a few of those! )
Henry
Recycling
Re: Recycling
Now that's HOT. 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by passed gas so loudly it couldn't be ignored.
"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment added, "As a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."
*****
Henry
"Oh dear," said the Queen, "How embarrassing. I'm frightfully sorry about that."
"It's quite understandable," said the Archbishop, and after a moment added, "As a matter of fact I thought it was the horse."
*****
Henry
Things that make you go--"hmmmm" (caveat: I haven't checked them for accuracy! 
)
1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers. (Maybe because most adults who get married were married before? )
2. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.
3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded. (I suppose it was all relative.)
4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles. (But where do they all park?)
5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it. (Who studied this, how'd they study it, and why?)
6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather. (So, pick a calm day to check your apiary! )
7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day. (Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha?)
8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. (I guess in that case the people just have more a peel?)
9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air. (Uh oh - watch out for Tux.)
10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller in the morning. (A daily growth spurt?)
11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h. (Kaaaa-chooo!)
12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's. (Even before the back seat?)
13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. (So did it work by repelling prospective partners?)
*****
)1. In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers. (Maybe because most adults who get married were married before?
)2. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during W.W.I.
3. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded. (I suppose it was all relative.)
4. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles. (But where do they all park?)
5. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it. (Who studied this, how'd they study it, and why?)
6. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day than in any other weather. (So, pick a calm day to check your apiary! )
7. An average person laughs about 15 times a day. (Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha?)
8. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas. (I guess in that case the people just have more a peel?)
9. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air. (Uh oh - watch out for Tux.)
10. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller in the morning. (A daily growth spurt?)
11. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h. (Kaaaa-chooo!)
12. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500's. (Even before the back seat?)
13. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000 B.C. (So did it work by repelling prospective partners?)
*****
Things that make you go--"hmmmm" (caveat: I haven't checked them for accuracy! )
14. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. (But without coffee will she stay awake?)
15. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is. (But is he/she smarter than a fifth grader?)
16. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (Well that's just Daffy!)
17. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year. (And they say change is inevitable!)
18. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan. (Who ya gonna call?)
19. Every person has a unique tongue print. (But do the forensics teams dust for that?)
20. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does. (To air is human. But what about people with dextrocardia?)
21. Women's hearts beat faster than men's. (All year, or just on Valentine's day?)
22. Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets. (But do the dogs and cats carry pictures of their pet humans?)
23. Bubble gum contains rubber. (Is that how it does that balloon thing!)
24. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog. (Is that before or after giving the dog a bath?)
25. Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star. (But in what movie was it the star?)
26. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello. (There's always room for that!)
*****
)14. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee. (But without coffee will she stay awake?)
15. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is. (But is he/she smarter than a fifth grader?)
16. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (Well that's just Daffy!)
17. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year. (And they say change is inevitable!)
18. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan. (Who ya gonna call?)
19. Every person has a unique tongue print. (But do the forensics teams dust for that?)
20. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does. (To air is human. But what about people with dextrocardia?)
21. Women's hearts beat faster than men's. (All year, or just on Valentine's day?)
22. Pollsters say that 40 percent of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets. (But do the dogs and cats carry pictures of their pet humans?)
23. Bubble gum contains rubber. (Is that how it does that balloon thing!)
24. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog. (Is that before or after giving the dog a bath?)
25. Only 55 percent of all Americans know that the sun is a star. (But in what movie was it the star?)
26. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello. (There's always room for that!)
*****
Things that make you go--"hmmmm" (caveat: I haven't checked them for accuracy! )
27. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks. (Yeah, but even with a lot of effort, it still won't get ahead!)
28. Most American car horns honk in the key of F. (And the others are all off key?)
29. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people. (Think of all the roads that need crossing!)
30. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head. (Guess he didn't want to be hot-headed?)
31. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills. (The guys went bowling?)
32. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana. (What ape did he get to act as his lawyer?)
33. About 70 percent of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money. (Want fries with that?)
34. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. (Right - wear gloves!)
35. Some toothpastes contain antifreeze. (Wonder if those get shipped to Alaska?)
36. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. (Well with fronds like that, who needs enemies?)
37. Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991. (So Bush was the underdog?)
38. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific. (Is that the straight poop?)
39. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones. (Maybe in America, but probably not in Nauru!)
*****
)27. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks. (Yeah, but even with a lot of effort, it still won't get ahead!)
28. Most American car horns honk in the key of F. (And the others are all off key?)
29. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people. (Think of all the roads that need crossing!)
30. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head. (Guess he didn't want to be hot-headed?)
31. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills. (The guys went bowling?)
32. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana. (What ape did he get to act as his lawyer?)
33. About 70 percent of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money. (Want fries with that?)
34. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas. (Right - wear gloves!)
35. Some toothpastes contain antifreeze. (Wonder if those get shipped to Alaska?)
36. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns. (Well with fronds like that, who needs enemies?)
37. Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as President Bush in 1991. (So Bush was the underdog?)
38. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the Western Pacific. (Is that the straight poop?)
39. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones. (Maybe in America, but probably not in Nauru!)
*****
Things that make you go--"hmmmm" (caveat: I haven't checked them for accuracy! )
40. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (And here I thought it would contain bait!)
41. Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992. (Cadaver tag??? That thing they put on the toe? Weird.)
42. Mosquitoes have teeth. (All the better to bite you with, my dear!)
43. Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray. (Their way of mixing the chemicals?)
44. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego. (How entrancing! Oh wait, maybe not.)
45. The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley. (And they've all left the building!)
46. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food. (That's some hiss story!)
47. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music. (But do they prefer country music?)
48. 27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell." (And to think, somebody paid for them to be there!)
49. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die. (Good.)
50. Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement." (Maybe in an area with poor soil, farmers would think that a good thing?)
51. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. (Hence, the light bulb?)
52. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo. (So if the guy on Silver ever takes language lessons, his sidekick had better get on Scout, pronto?)
*****
)40. Most lipstick contains fish scales. (And here I thought it would contain bait!)
41. Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992. (Cadaver tag??? That thing they put on the toe? Weird.)
42. Mosquitoes have teeth. (All the better to bite you with, my dear!)
43. Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray. (Their way of mixing the chemicals?)
44. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego. (How entrancing! Oh wait, maybe not.)
45. The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley. (And they've all left the building!)
46. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food. (That's some hiss story!)
47. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music. (But do they prefer country music?)
48. 27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell." (And to think, somebody paid for them to be there!)
49. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die. (Good.)
50. Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement." (Maybe in an area with poor soil, farmers would think that a good thing?)
51. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark. (Hence, the light bulb?)
52. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo. (So if the guy on Silver ever takes language lessons, his sidekick had better get on Scout, pronto?)
*****
Re: Recycling
You should take this material on stage.
.wait for it........
.
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......the next one leaves in ten minutes.
.wait for it........
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.
......the next one leaves in ten minutes.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
That remark was immaterial! 
A woman from the Bay Area was hiking to the top of El Capitan on the popular North Rim Trail, a seven-mile hike, when she became lost, saw clouds forming and called 911 on her cellular phone and asked to be rescued. A helicopter rescue team found her barely off the trail and only about a quarter-mile from the top of El Capitan. Then when the helicopter lifted off with her - and she saw how close she was to the top - she asked the crew to land and let her back out. When the crew declined, she threatened to sue them for kidnapping.
*****
ANOTHER WOMAN hiker in Yosemite also called 911 with her cellular phone, this time from the top of Half Dome.
"Well, I'm at the top and I'm really tired," she told the 911 dispatcher.
"Do you feel sick?" she was asked.
"No, I'm just really tired and I want my friends to drive to the base and pick me up."
"You'll have to hike back down the trail for that," she was told by the dispatcher.
"But you don't understand. I'm really tired."
Then, according to a ranger, "Her phone battery luckily died."
*****
Henry
*****
ANOTHER WOMAN hiker in Yosemite also called 911 with her cellular phone, this time from the top of Half Dome.
"Well, I'm at the top and I'm really tired," she told the 911 dispatcher.
"Do you feel sick?" she was asked.
"No, I'm just really tired and I want my friends to drive to the base and pick me up."
"You'll have to hike back down the trail for that," she was told by the dispatcher.
"But you don't understand. I'm really tired."
Then, according to a ranger, "Her phone battery luckily died."
*****
Henry
Re: Recycling
Oooops 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......