Recycling

[Henry J]

Never!

[lswot]

Uhhhh.......wrong string?

[Henry J]

Absotively!

[Henry J]

Leena was tired of her husband coming home drunk, and decided to scare him straight. One night, she put on a devil costume and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home. When her husband walked by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail and pitchfork.

"Who are you?" he slurred.

"I'm the devil," she answered.

"Well, come on home with me," he said. "I married your sister."

----------------------------------

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Oh, that was just the theory of relativity...

[Henry J]

"Time, we know, is relative. You can travel light years through the stars and back, and if you do it at the speed of light then, when you return, you may have aged mere seconds while your twin brother or sister will have aged twenty, thirty, forty or however many years it is, depending on how far you traveled. This will come to you as a profound shock, particularly if you didn't know you had a twin brother or sister."

(Don't we just love temporal mechanics? )

[lswot]

[Henry J]

: Genie Jokes

One day a genie appeared to a California man and offered to grant him one wish.
The man said:" I wish you'd build a bridge from here to Hawaii so I could drive there anytime."
The genie frowned "I don't know. It sounds like quite an undertaking," he said. "Just think of the logistics. The supports required reaching the bottom of the ocean, the concrete, and the steel! Why don't you pick something else?"
The man thought for a while and then said, "Okay, I wish for a complete understanding of women- what they are thinking, why they cry. I wish I knew how to make a woman truly happy".
The genie was silent for a minute, then said

"So how many lanes did you want on that bridge?"

------------------------

Henry

[lswot]

Smart Genie

[Henry J]

: One Liners Jokes

Q: What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

------------------------
A: A nervous wreck!

Q: What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help around the house?
A: Lazybones

(No bones about it!)

------------------------

[Henry J]

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three Hell's Angels bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.

Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"

The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."

(Yeah, that guy needs lessons awright. Maybe from the Snowman and the Bandit?)

------------------------

Henry

[lswot]

So there!

[Henry J]

Where?

[brian]

Expected Mergers

For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2012:

1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Company will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2. PolyGram Records, Warner Brothers, and Zest Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.

3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

And finally...

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!