Recycling

[lswot]

That's a good one

[Henry J]

Catholic Wisdom

98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and said, "Don't ever sell that cow."

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"

She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket .

They hear a faint moan.

They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies.

Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.

As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

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Henry

[lswot]

[Xjmt]

It's your own fault. Nobody forced you to come here and read this.....topic.

[lswot]

sigh....yeah, yeah, yeah......

[Henry J]

PRICE GOUGING IN COLONIAL TIMES

William Penn, the famous statesman, had two elderly aunts who loved to bake pies.

The pies were very popular with the townspeople.

So the aunts decided to start selling them.

The pies sold so well that the women quickly became greedy.

So they started raising their prices.

Soon, everybody in town was talking about the pie-rates of Penn's aunts.

Henry

[Henry J]

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk: How much does it costs? “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the male clerk with a smirk. “That’s fine,” said the girl. I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out. The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”

Henry

[lswot]

.....becareful what you wish for.......

[Henry J]

Say What

**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
Time Wounds All Heels.
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
To expedite your visit, please back in.
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
We Repair What Your Husband Fixed
**************************
On another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!
**************************
On a Church's Bill board:
7 days without God makes one weak.
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At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
Invite us to your next blowout.
**************************
At a Towing company:
We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
Let Us Remove Your Shorts
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push!
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
We really know our stuff.
**************************
On a Fence:
Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!
**************************
At the Electric Company
We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be.
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in
and get fed up.
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully! We'll wait...
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station:
Thank heaven for little grills.
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a
CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak
**********************
Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises

Henry

[Henry J]

Do you know the trouble with political jokes?

Too many of them get elected.

Do you know the meaning of the word "politics"?

Well, "poly" is a prefix meaning "many", and ticks are small blood sucking creatures. Put them together and...

Henry

[lswot]

Fifty sheep walk into a bar........stop me if you've herd this one before...........

[Henry J]

Ewe don't say!

[brian]

All kidding aside..

That was baad.