Recycling

[Henry J]

"Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System"

1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.

2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.

3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.

4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock.... one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!

5. Ummmmmm.... Sorry...... (silence)

6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff).... uhhhhh.... we have to go back .... we .. we .... uhhhhhh .... forgot something.....

7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.

8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)

9. This is your Captain speaking.... these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.

11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..

12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...

13. Get the parachutes ready...

14. Drinks are on me... or I'll have what the Captain's having...

15. Hey capt'n take another hit man...

*****

Now let me add one more:

Where'd that flock of geese come from?

*****

[lswot]

[Henry J]

In short, the habits we form from childhood make no small difference, but rather they make all the difference.

Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
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If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.

Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
*****

Henry

[Henry J]

Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
(Or at least a nibble.)

What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.

*****

Keyboard not found - press F1 to continue.

Press any key to continue. Press any other key to quit.

Press any key to continue. NO NO - NOT THAT ONE!

RAM disk is not a startup procedure.
*****

Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Most computer problems are caused by a loose nut between the chair and the keyboard.

*****

Henry

[lswot]

and the old axiom......gigo

[Henry J]

In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!

Orson Welles

*****

Henry

[lswot]

In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock!

Orson Welles

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Henry

In the U.S. .....with all we have.....we've still produced a bunch of cuckoo's

[Henry J]

Yeah, but at least our cheese doesn't have holes in it!

[brian]

If you can call our cheese cheese.

[Henry J]

Hey, it's yellow, square, and wrapped in plastic. What more do you want?

[brian]

Cheese.

[Henry J]

Picky!

[Henry J]

Jesse Jackson, Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."
~~~
The difference between the Pope and your boss.... the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
~~~
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.
~~~
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well it really chilled the mood.

*****

Henry