A ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a ship carrying a cargo of purple paint.
Both crews were marooned.
******
Why did the Zen master refuse Novocain when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
**************
Henry
Recycling
Re:
Henry J wrote:A ship carrying a cargo of red paint collided with a ship carrying a cargo of purple paint.
Both crews were marooned.
******
Why did the Zen master refuse Novocain when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
**************
Henry
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Did you hear about the two men from the monastery who opened a fast-food seafood restaurant? One was the fish friar, the other was the chip monk.
***********
A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate who used very foul language. As the clone cursed and swore, the scientist finally pushed it out the window, and it fell to its death. Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
***********
Henry
***********
A scientist cloned himself but the experiment created a duplicate who used very foul language. As the clone cursed and swore, the scientist finally pushed it out the window, and it fell to its death. Later the scientist was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
***********
Henry
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
*********
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy!"
*******
Henry
*********
A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why?! I'm a fun guy!"
*******
Henry
Re: Recycling
Where do you find these things? lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Exactly!
*********
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
*********
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?"
The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
*********
Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through -- which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because "Da oily boid gets da woim."
*********
Henry
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
*********
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "What's with the fancy plate?"
The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
*********
Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through -- which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because "Da oily boid gets da woim."
*********
Henry
Ads...
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Henry
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Henry
Re: Recycling
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Ads...
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Henry
Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
Henry
Re: Recycling
Fun!! 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Ads...
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Henry
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Henry
Re: Recycling
Subject: Your daily moment of Zen (part 1)
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
******
Henry
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
10. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
11. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
12. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
******
Henry
Re: Recycling
When all else fails try following the directions.
Golf: A good walk ruined.
If life is just a bowl of cherries why do I always get the pits.
Age is mind over matter if you don't mind it doesn't matter.
executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
Zeal is fit only for wise men but is found mostly in fools.
Golf: A good walk ruined.
If life is just a bowl of cherries why do I always get the pits.
Age is mind over matter if you don't mind it doesn't matter.
executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.
Zeal is fit only for wise men but is found mostly in fools.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
And, the grass is always greener over the septic tank!If life is just a bowl of cherries why do I always get the pits.