Recycling

[Henry J]

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There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around"

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Washington, Nixon and Clinton
What is the difference between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton doesn't know the difference.

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Henry

[Henry J]

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Politicians and Diapers
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

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A Good Liar
A political man to a woman, "You look beautiful today!!!!"

The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same about you." "Sure you could!!" said the political man, "if you could lie as well as I do!"

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Henry

[Henry J]

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Running for Senate
A young man was running for the Senate in New York State. His political adviser heard some news that really upset him.

"Look," he said, "You've got to go to Albany right away or you'll lose a lot of votes. They're telling lies about you there."

"I've got to go to Buffalo first or I'll lose more votes," the candidate replied.

"What's going on in Buffalo?" the adviser asked.

"They're telling the truth about me there," the candidate replied.

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Henry

[Henry J]

No one believes seniors . . everyone thinks they are senile.
An Elderly couple were celebrating their sixtieth anniversary.
The couple had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands they walked back to their old school.
It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared, where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up, but not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money--fifty-thousand dollars.

Andy said, "We've got to give it back."

Sally said, "Finders keepers." She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knock on the door.
"Pardon me, but did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic."

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turn to Andy and began to question him.
One says: "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday . . . "

The first FBI guy turns to his partner and says, "We're outta here."

Charles

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Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

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To be is to do! - Socrates (although, that's Greek to me)

To do is to be! - Sartre

Do-be-do-be-do! - Frankly speaking

Yabba-dabba-doo! - Fred, a Bedrock of his society

Scooby Doo, where are you! - Shaggy (and the other meddling kids)

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Henry

[Henry J]

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Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, a watchdog group, recently released its annual list of Wacky Warning Labels. Here are the winners:

1. A flushable toilet brush warns: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

2. An electric hand blender used to blend, whip, chop and dice advises purchasers: "Never remove food from blades while the product is operating."

3. A popular scooter for children cautions: "This product moves when used."

4. This warning was discovered on a thermometer used to take a person's temperature: "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

DDDDddduuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh!

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Louise

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Henry

[lswot]

ewwwww that last one .......yuck

[Henry J]

Yeah, that one's a matter of degree.

[lswot]

*groan*

[Henry J]

Take two aspirin...

[Henry J]

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: One Liners Jokes

I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

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Remember, the closed mouth gathers no foot!

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Henry

[Henry J]

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Movie Stars
Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office 'oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano" said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Seagall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says, "I'll be Bach."

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Henry

[lswot]

[Henry J]

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Doctors Jokes

His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"

"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesitation.

"Tampax?" said the doctor. "What would you do with that?"

"Well," said Johnny, "I do not know exactly, but it's sure worth two dollars. With Tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding, and also go skating, any time you want to."

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Henry