Or bumper snickers!.....or t-shirts
Recycling
Sayings that should be on buttons... Or T-shirts... Or bumper snickers...
30. A PBS mind in an MTV world. (But what about FX, TNT, SyFy?)
32. Allow me to introduce my selves. (I'm beside myself waiting for that!)
33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. (And at a discount!)
34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." (At a discount!)
35. Better living through denial. (Especially while touring Egypt!)
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. (Look out!)
37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. (As long as it's not Elm!)
38. Adult child of alien invaders. (Check your basement for pods...)
40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. (Want fries with that?)
42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. (To air is human?)
43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. (Maybe it split?)
44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. (And, without the padding!)
48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? (Return to sender?)
49. Back off! You're standing in my aura. (At least wipe your feet first!)
50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. (Sounds like double trouble!)
51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! (Just go incognito!)
52. Adults are just kids who owe money. (With interest!)
30. A PBS mind in an MTV world. (But what about FX, TNT, SyFy?)
32. Allow me to introduce my selves. (I'm beside myself waiting for that!)
33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. (And at a discount!)
34. Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you." (At a discount!)
35. Better living through denial. (Especially while touring Egypt!)
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. (Look out!)
37. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. (As long as it's not Elm!)
38. Adult child of alien invaders. (Check your basement for pods...)
40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. (Want fries with that?)
42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. (To air is human?)
43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. (Maybe it split?)
44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. (And, without the padding!)
48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes? (Return to sender?)
49. Back off! You're standing in my aura. (At least wipe your feet first!)
50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. (Sounds like double trouble!)
51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too! (Just go incognito!)
52. Adults are just kids who owe money. (With interest!)
Re: Recycling
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Sayings that should be on buttons... Or T-shirts... Or bumpers... Or internet BB forums...
58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. (But what about overtime?)
59. You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing. (Is that one of the Halliwell sisters?)
60. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? (Only if Monty Hall is available.)
62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong. (I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.)
63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? (Pepe le Pew?)
66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. (Check, please!)
67. A woman's favorite position is CEO. (As compared to what?)
68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. (Maybe, maybe not.)
70. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. (That's getting to the core of things.)
71. Earth is full. Go home. (The U.S. will no longer support the employment problems of the universe!)
72. Is it time for your medication or mine? (Take two aspirin.)
75. I plead contemporary insanity. (If one in five people suffer from insanity, do the others enjoy it?)
77. I refuse to star in your psychodrama. (What about a supporting role?)
78. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. (Want fries with that?)
79. How do I set a laser printer to stun? (Maybe connect it to the shredder?)
80. It ain't the size, it's...no, it's the size. (As Willow once said, scythe really does matter!)
81. Meandering to a different drummer. (Is that what that noise was?)
82. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. (I hadn't noticed.)
83. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? (Want fries with that? Or did I ask that already?)
*****
Henry
58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor. (But what about overtime?)
59. You say I'm a ***** like it's a bad thing. (Is that one of the Halliwell sisters?)
60. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? (Only if Monty Hall is available.)
62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong. (I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.)
63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? (Pepe le Pew?)
66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. (Check, please!)
67. A woman's favorite position is CEO. (As compared to what?)
68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. (Maybe, maybe not.)
70. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. (That's getting to the core of things.)
71. Earth is full. Go home. (The U.S. will no longer support the employment problems of the universe!)
72. Is it time for your medication or mine? (Take two aspirin.)
75. I plead contemporary insanity. (If one in five people suffer from insanity, do the others enjoy it?)
77. I refuse to star in your psychodrama. (What about a supporting role?)
78. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. (Want fries with that?)
79. How do I set a laser printer to stun? (Maybe connect it to the shredder?)
80. It ain't the size, it's...no, it's the size. (As Willow once said, scythe really does matter!)
81. Meandering to a different drummer. (Is that what that noise was?)
82. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. (I hadn't noticed.)
83. I majored in liberal arts. Will that be for here or to go? (Want fries with that? Or did I ask that already?)
*****
Henry
Re: Recycling
Clever.......but......um, I'm ambivalent over some of them. 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
but then again...
Re: Recycling
Clever boy.....
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Subject: Clueless
HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?
**********
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 20 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twenty," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
**********
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....
**********
Henry
HOW DO THESE PEOPLE SURVIVE?
**********
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 20 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twenty," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.
**********
I was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "Divider" looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me "Do you know how much this is?" and I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today". She said "OK" and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.....
**********
Henry
Subject: Clueless
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
**********
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk".
**********
Henry
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy".
**********
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries it's a long walk".
**********
Henry
Re: Recycling
Goodness.......
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Gracious!
Subject: Clueless
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
**********
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
**********
IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
**********
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
**********
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
**********
IDIOTS AT WORK... Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
**********
Re: Recycling
takes all kinds......
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Subject: Clueless
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
**********
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE... I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
**********
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
**********
(Aren't you glad that's the end of the "clueless" entries?
)
Henry
IDIOTS & COMPUTERS... My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
**********
IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE... I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.
**********
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
**********
(Aren't you glad that's the end of the "clueless" entries?
)Henry