Computer Jokes
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."
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One Liners Jokes
A man is incomplete until he is married; then he is finished.
(Especially if a penguin is involved!)
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Henry
Recycling
Bar & Drinking Jokes
A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said "I'll be back in a minute."
He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.
The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said "You know we don't get many bears in here".
The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"
(Smarter than the average bear! Well, except that his going to that bar may have been a boo boo. )
Henry
A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said "I'll be back in a minute."
He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.
The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said "You know we don't get many bears in here".
The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"
(Smarter than the average bear! Well, except that his going to that bar may have been a boo boo. )
Henry
Re: Recycling
Har Har
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Har?
From another BB:
My favorite Turkey recipe
a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that.
8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good)
1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT IS BEST)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back.
After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's rear end blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room,.... it's done.
*****
(Warning: Do not try this at home! )
Henry
My favorite Turkey recipe
a turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing ingredient -- imagine that.
8 - 15 lb. turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is Good)
1 cup un-popped popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT IS BEST)
Salt/pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn.
Place in baking pan making sure the neck end is toward the front of the oven, not the back.
After about 4 hours listen for the popping sounds.
When the turkey's rear end blows the oven door open and the bird flies across the room,.... it's done.
*****
(Warning: Do not try this at home! )
Henry
Re: Recycling
Just think of it as "LOL" in my generation speak.Henry J wrote:Har?
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Sort of a Star Trek Generations Gap?
Re: Recycling
Well.....if you mean did I watched the Original Series when it first came out, I suppose so. 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Something like that.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Miscellaneous Jokes
The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.
"This time you're doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor. "Yes," the novice driver agreed.
"Now when I see anther car coming, I shut my eyes."
(EEK!)
(Oh well, at least the student isn't texting while driving! )
==============
The driving instructor was giving lessons to an extremely nervous student who panicked whenever another car approached on a particular two-lane road. One day, however, they got to the same stretch of road; and the student remained completely calm.
"This time you're doing fine!" exclaimed the instructor. "Yes," the novice driver agreed.
"Now when I see anther car coming, I shut my eyes."
(EEK!)
(Oh well, at least the student isn't texting while driving! )
==============
Re: Recycling
"(Oh well, at least the student isn't texting while driving! )"
Always a plus.
I'm beginning to think that there are no other people on this site!
Always a plus.
I'm beginning to think that there are no other people on this site!
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Who said that?
Re: Recycling
Beats me
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......