Recycling

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:10 am

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before .... I took a bus home.
Sure enough I passed a roadblock but as it was a bus they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it!

If you know of anybody missing a bus please let me know so I can arrange to return it.

Thanks :drink:

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Aug 07, 2012 11:17 am

But watch out for the wrath of grapes...

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Aug 07, 2012 5:38 pm

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Aug 08, 2012 6:03 pm

Overheard in a garage:

First Woman: "I expect they'll be raising gas prices again."
Second Woman: "Won't affect me. I always put in $20 worth."

(Eat beans - America needs the gas!)

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:24 pm

What do you call it when two egotists butt heads?
An I for an I.

What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini?
Olive or Twist?

What's a shotgun wedding?
A case of wife or death.

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Aug 11, 2012 2:43 pm

Copied from an earlier BB:

My computer is in my dining area, right at the door that goes to the galley kitchen. I don't have a 'desk chair' that I keep there...so I just take one of the dining table chairs and use that.

Sometimes, if I'm just checking quick.. I won't bother with the chair and I'll just kneel down and tap the keyboard, scan quick.. and get up.

Well, I'm kneeling and typing.. and son comes downstairs and walks by saying..

"ahhhh, kneel before the computer god."

I cracked up big time!!!! and got my chair.

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Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:16 pm

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror to blot it and would leave dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..

There are teachers, and then there are Educators.

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Tue Aug 14, 2012 10:59 am

ohhh.....good demonstration!!!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Tue Aug 14, 2012 12:22 pm

Yep, that story is a good reflection on that principal.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Aug 15, 2012 6:59 pm

Grandmas and Birth Control

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... and believe me, it helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 1:39 pm

Clever.....

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Aug 16, 2012 6:57 pm

HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A FLY

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

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Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Aug 18, 2012 2:27 pm

1. Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

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2. A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, because I still have mine."

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3. "Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Aug 18, 2012 5:06 pm

The Show Place

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