Recycling
Where do you come up with this stuff?
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
You have waaayyyyy to much free time. 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
(Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield?)
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
(Let us reflect on that!)
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
(But first, you gotta figure out: where's the beef!)
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
(Here come de judge! Here come de judge!)
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
(Maybe if you throw some catnip into the bag first?)
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
(Woof! Woof!)
---------------------------------------
Henry
(Sometimes you're the bug, sometimes you're the windshield?)
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.
(Let us reflect on that!)
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
(But first, you gotta figure out: where's the beef!)
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
(Here come de judge! Here come de judge!)
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
(Maybe if you throw some catnip into the bag first?)
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
(Woof! Woof!)
---------------------------------------
Henry
Re: Recycling
A Friend of mine always said: If your so smart put your arm in the ocean and make a hole
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
: Animal Jokes
So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
---------------------------------------
(Oh, it was probably all the fowl language due to being cross about being stuck on this side of the road... )
Henry
So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
---------------------------------------
(Oh, it was probably all the fowl language due to being cross about being stuck on this side of the road... )
Henry
Re: Recycling
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
--------------------------
: Police Jokes
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it. "The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow, "says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
--------------------------
Henry
: Police Jokes
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it. "The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow, "says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
--------------------------
Henry
--------------------------
van Gogh's family tree
The Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh
His dizzy aunt -------------------------------------Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes -----------------------Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ----- Stop n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -------------------U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white --------Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois ----------------------------Chica Gogh
His magician uncle --------------------------------Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -------------------------------A-mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -------- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ------------Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ----------------------------Cant Gogh
The ballroom-dancing aunt -----------------------Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ------------------------------Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst ------------------------E Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin ----------------------------Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking -------------Way to Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -------------------------Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van ------ Winnie Bay Gogh
Well, there ya Gogh
Charles
--------------------------
Henry
van Gogh's family tree
The Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh
His dizzy aunt -------------------------------------Verti Gogh
The brother who ate prunes -----------------------Gotta Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ----- Stop n Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia -------------------U Gogh
The brother who bleached his clothes white --------Hue Gogh
The cousin from Illinois ----------------------------Chica Gogh
His magician uncle --------------------------------Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin -------------------------------A-mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother -------- Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach ------------Wells-far Gogh
The constipated uncle ----------------------------Cant Gogh
The ballroom-dancing aunt -----------------------Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle ------------------------------Flamin Gogh
His nephew psychoanalyst ------------------------E Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin ----------------------------Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking -------------Way to Gogh
The little bouncy nephew -------------------------Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in a van ------ Winnie Bay Gogh
Well, there ya Gogh
Charles
--------------------------
Henry
Re: Recycling
Clever 
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
--------------------------
An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
(Just don't ask me what an "Antartian" might be!
)
--------------------------
Henry
An Antartian named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays..."God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."
Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Babbette, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
(Just don't ask me what an "Antartian" might be!
)--------------------------
Henry
Re: Recycling
"Just don't ask me what an "Antartian" might be!"
Well, I guess I wont, now.
I read the first sentence and asked myself "Self....What's an Antartian?" Now I guess we'll never know. I know it's not in the dictionary.
Well, I guess I wont, now.
I read the first sentence and asked myself "Self....What's an Antartian?" Now I guess we'll never know. I know it's not in the dictionary.
lswoteccl 2:13
"A Government big enough to give you every thing you want, is big enough to take away every thing you have."
......Thomas Jefferson......
Re: Recycling
Exactly!