Recycling

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:51 pm

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: One Liners Jokes

After his divorce Mr. Lewis realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with an astounding financial loss.

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Henry

Website · Post by **brian** » Tue Jan 10, 2012 12:51 pm

"A dying Granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the villa, the tractor and other equipment, the farmhouse and $22,398,750.78 in cash." The granddaughter, about to be rich, says, "Oh my, Granny, you are so generous. I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?"

With her last breath, her Granny whispered, "Facebook..."

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Thu Jan 12, 2012 6:48 pm

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Military Jokes

After a hard day of drilling, the drill sergeant let the troops go. "All right, you idiots, report to the mess hall." Everybody walked away, sweating and their heads down, thankful for the end of the hard day. Only one private remained. He looked at the officer and sincerely said, "Boy, there sure were a lot of them, huh, sarge."

(Well gwa-ah-ah-lee, Gomer)

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Fri Jan 13, 2012 10:51 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Jan 13, 2012 7:19 pm

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Animal Jokes

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"
Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"
"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!" says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," Says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

(And a horse is a horse, of course of course)

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Jan 14, 2012 11:17 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Jan 14, 2012 10:38 pm

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Sport Jokes

A guy took his girl friend to her first Longhorn football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied,
"Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: get the quarterback. Get the quarterback! It's only 25 cents!

(Yeah, what's two bits - it's only a quarter of a byte!)

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Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun Jan 15, 2012 11:23 am

Sure is empty in here............

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Jan 15, 2012 4:40 pm

Kid Jokes

When the Smith family moved into their new house, a visiting grandparent asked five-year-old Tommy how he liked the new place.
"It's great," he said. "I have my own room Alex has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad."

(Poor mom!)

Henry

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Jan 16, 2012 10:05 am

lswot wrote: Sure is empty in here............

Then eat something!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Jan 16, 2012 11:28 am

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Jan 16, 2012 12:21 pm

Don't hurt your eyes doing that!

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Jan 16, 2012 6:12 pm

Like I said......it's empty in here.

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed Jan 18, 2012 12:28 pm

True education???

ANSWERS OF A BRILLIANT STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0%... But I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?

* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?

* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?

* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?

* exam

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?

* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?

* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will
it become?

* it will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?

* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?

* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a
wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

*Concrete floors are very hard to crack

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:05 pm

Police Jokes

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him - he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

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Henry

The Show Place

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