Jokes

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sat Jul 01, 2006 3:13 pm

Not desert, no. But not a whole heap of precip. on the east side of the mountains south of Denver.

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 11:20 am

Not desert, no. But not a whole heap of precip. on the east side of the mountains south of Denver.

Yeah.....darn those pesky mountains!

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Sun Jul 02, 2006 4:24 pm

Oh, and guess what? It's raining today.

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon Jul 03, 2006 10:26 am

Henry J wrote:Oh, and guess what? It's raining today.

Henry

Squeaky wheel?

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:00 pm

Rain and more rain and even hail during dirve through NYState on the way to Maine. That and "road repair". Mostly only road repair on the way home.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Thu Jul 13, 2006 5:31 am

A Top Secret CIA memo pedicts that by the year 2030 the countries of Paraguay and Uruguay will go to war over who is "guayer".

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Jul 15, 2006 11:38 am

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:53 pm

( LIVING WILLS )

While I was watching the Masters this weekend,
my wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and
the need for living wills.

During the course of the conversation I told her that
I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state,
dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a
bottle.

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my
beer.

.....Sometimes it's tough being married to a
smartass.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 1:23 pm

Well, as somebody once said - "Beer bad!"

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Fri Jul 21, 2006 3:21 pm

Now right there is a major difference between you and I, Henry.

You remember, "Beer bad."

I only remember, "Beer good!!"

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:26 am

:preach: Huh?

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Sat Jul 22, 2006 8:49 am

lswot wrote::preach: Huh?

EGGS-AXE-TLEE!! :preach:

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun Jul 23, 2006 10:00 am

Website · Post by **brian** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 12:25 pm

TO: GOD:

FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon Jul 31, 2006 1:01 pm

Woof!