Jokes

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue May 09, 2006 2:43 pm

~~~and~~~

Post by **trucker2000** » Tue May 09, 2006 6:32 pm

Oh wait....it wasn't long ago.......

It is true. Them frases aint meanin the same nowdays.

Post by **trucker2000** » Tue May 23, 2006 5:20 pm

Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.
Enjoy the following:
>1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
>2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
>3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.
>4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
>6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
>7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in
>your pocket.
>8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few
>who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric
>fence
>and find out for themselves.
>9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad
>judgment.
>10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
>then
>to make sure it's still there.
>11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
>12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started
>roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
>When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Tue May 23, 2006 6:24 pm

And as a special to Mr Rogers

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed May 24, 2006 10:22 am

This isn't a Will Rodgers......but......it's along those same lines:

If you want to make the world a better place try shutting your yap long enough to hear something other than the sound of your own voice.

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed May 24, 2006 10:41 am

Or to put it another way - the closed mouth gathers no foot.

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu May 25, 2006 10:37 am

Henry J wrote:Or to put it another way - the closed mouth gathers no foot.

Yep! Or as my Mother always said.......keep your mouth shut and thought to be stupid than to open it and erase all doubt.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Thu May 25, 2006 2:15 pm

Then there was my father's favorite, "Learn to keep your ears and your eyes open and your big mouth shut."

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Sun May 28, 2006 11:18 am

Xjmt wrote:Then there was my father's favorite, "Learn to keep your ears and your eyes open and your big mouth shut."

That works, too.

Xjmt · Post by **Xjmt** » Sun May 28, 2006 1:11 pm

> I am passing this on to you because it definitely
> worked for me and we
> all could use a little more calmness in our lives.
> By following the
> simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have
> finally found inner
> peace.
>
>
>
> Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace
> is to finish
> all the things you've started and never finished."
> So, I looked around
> my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
> finished, and
> before leaving the house this morning I finished off
> a bottle of White
> Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream, a bottle
> of Kahlua, a
> package of Oreos, the remainder of an old Prozac
> prescription, the rest
> of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of
> chocolates. You have no
> idea how freaking good I feel. (Please pass this on
> to those you feel
> might be in need of inner peace.)

Ya know, that does sound like that Phil character.

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Mon May 29, 2006 8:53 am

.....Dr. Who?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Mon May 29, 2006 11:15 am

Re "..... Dr. Who?"

Check first base.

Henry

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Wed May 31, 2006 10:41 am

Henry J wrote:Re "..... Dr. Who?"

Check first base.

Henry

What?

Henry J · Post by **Henry J** » Wed May 31, 2006 11:45 am

What would be second base.

lswot · Post by **lswot** » Thu Jun 01, 2006 11:15 am

Henry J wrote:What would be second base.

Haven't we deja'd this vu, before.?